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Today is really not my day

I promised I'd be raw. So here we go,

I’m making this post because I don’t know what else to do. I don’t have anyone else to talk to.. no one I know truly understands what I’m going through. Ugh that even sounds selfish to say but I can’t help it. I feel so alone……. My husband is gone, it’s 9:47PM and I think Colton has finally settled and fell asleep, but I don’t know yet…. I’m tired. It seems like no one really cares how I feel. Even if they do, its just how it feels. I can’t just call someone to come over and talk, I can’t just spend thousands of dollars to go see my family. I can’t do anything but sit here and be alone. I pray to God because I know he has a plan for me but right now it feels like my life is meaningless. I know I have kids to take care of and I KNOW I am a dang good momma to them…. But I’m just so tired none of the happy parts seem real. I just want to laugh again. A good belly laugh. I miss my cousin. I miss my best friends. I miss literally everyone I know. I’m sitting here, sobbing, writing what may be another blog post because I don’t know what else to do. Does anyone even read this thing??

Okay I am still sad…. But not mid meltdown anymore… this country music is not helping……. 😅 What do I have to do to have a friend? This isolation is killer. I’ve been a working mom, a single mom and a stay at home mom. They are all hard. But for me being a stay at home mom is the hardest/ the most rewarding. Being isolated SUCKS. Seriously. We were not made to be alone…. Sometimes it is necessary to learn about ourselves. However, no one wants to be alone. God made us that way and today I am lonely. Tomorrow Harlee will be in school and I will be even more alone. I just want to get a coffee with someone or something lol I am suffering…. I get zero adult contact anymore. I used to go to the store or somewhere to get it but a lot of people are rude, don't respond back to me or are wrapped up in their technology. I am very understanding, but for example I wanted to put a smile on someone’s face today so I got Harlee a milkshake and gave the server a tip (This is not a bragging thing LOL) but she kind of rolled her eyes at me when I gave it to her….. like Ma’am I AM SAD. Let me make you happy please??? She just walked away like nothing. I hope she can use it towards something she wants or needs. I am just discouraged today. I have a lot going on. I’ll be better soon. I have a whole surprise for Mike when he gets back. So that will be fun to do. If you want to get coffee, or FaceTime to keep me company. Please do. I’ll make you laugh I promise. I am here to make people happy and I suffer when I can’t do that. Anyway, I'm fine now. Just remember you're never alone in your struggles. We all go through it. I love you, God loves you and I hope you have an amazing night!!

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