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It's okay to not be okay

Wow. I am tired. We learned of a new park today because someone on my Facebook page posted pictures at it a day or so ago. We got there and it’s pretty freaking huge!!! Maybe we can have Colton’s birthday there! All I know is that was the first but definitely not the last time I will go there! Everything is open! How awesome is that!! Colton got to go on the swing for the first time in his life. He liked it a lot at first. Then he sort of hated it 😂 Harlee obviously had a blast. She did an awesome job at staying where I could see her too! She really is such a good kid. She just has a ton of energy, which if you know her, you know. Lol Today was…. Weird. It was an overall good day, I got some good sleep, had a great morning and even got another email from Mike! At random times I would get the urge to cry. I think it’s a combination of Mike being gone and Harlee starting school in person tomorrow…. Oh man… That’s it. It hit me…. In WA state the cut off for kindergarten is different. So based off of that, Harlee would have started kindergarten in fall 2022. However, the cut off here is different. So she will be starting kindergarten this fall before she’s even 5 years old and…. I’m just not okay with that. I WISH I could just hold her back. Granted I CAN hold her back, but I could not in good conscious do that after seeing how smart she is in school. She is right on target with the other kids. My mommy heart is broken.. they say they grow up fast but I feel like my time was cut short with her. This doesn’t just mean she starts school earlier, but that she will be interested in adult things sooner, she will graduate sooner, she will essentially move out sooner… I just can’t bear to think about it. I am SO proud of her and I will never hold her back from anything she wants to do (unless its dangerous obviously) but my little girl is growing up and it’s not okay……. Great now I’m crying. I knew this was going to happen though. I’ve been holding it in the last two days. Which isn’t healthy but I just wanted to enjoy my last couple days with her before she starts school in person. I also realize she has been in school this whole time but going online is so different than in person. This is it. The beginning of my daughters world outside of my home. Crap. I’m a wreck. I really wish Mike was here so we could cry together. This sucks. I apologize that my last couple entries weren’t so happy but like I said. I am going to be real with you guys. And to be real today my heart hurts. I’ll probably sob myself to sleep, but tomorrow I’ll buck up and drop my girl off at school. I might sob again tomorrow, but that’s okay. Now it’s Colt’s turn to get some mommy time. I really have to go though. I cannot stop crying… lol Pray for me y’all. Love you ❤️

Enjoy pics from today

My baby forever 😭

They are both trying to make me emotional lol

Diggin it

Not lovin it so much anymore 😂

She loves all animals ❤️

Best friends forever 🥺

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