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Christians are stupid

This one is going to be heavy. Back in Nov/Dec 2020, as some of you know, I was a part of the occult. It started with crystals. I bought one. I thought it was calling my name. I thought it was so pretty and it was going to help me journey through life with the energy it harnessed inside. I wanted another one, so I got another, and another, and another. Soon I was addicted. This crystal was good for this and this crystal good for that. I was convinced they would change my life forever and they did. Not in the way you may think. I decided to start a business. Buying over $300 worth of products and things to attribute. I wanted to wrap crystals. I knew in my heart I was doing what I was called to do in life. Despite the depression and anxiety I was so full of I decided to dive in! I posted about it everywhere. I told everyone. What could stop me? I felt on top of the world. I started to dress different. Act different. I was selfish. It was all about me and what I wanted to do. Even with my husband I became disrespectful. I knew what I wanted to do and it didn’t matter what he thought. He didn’t control me!! I desired to become a witch, buy endless tarot cards and build an alter in my closet. I had “spirit guides” I spoke to as well. I remember looking at a status my friend posted about God thinking, “Wow I wasted my entire life believing a distored view of reality. Christians are stupid! They waste their entire lives not doing what they want and following a bunch of dumb rules. I pity those poor Christians.” I watched some videos about how to raise my vibrations and such. I wanted to become a reiki healer! I started researching and when I saw what they believed about Jesus being an “ascended master” I just knew it in my heart with no basis of truth that it was right. I rummaged through the closet to find my Bible. I read a verse that later would shock me when I truly understood why I read that verse. That’s when the nightmares started.

One night I had a dream of a demon. He pulled me from my bed and whisked me away to some other part of the world. I’m not sure where but it felt 100% real. And when I tried to call out to God he grabbed my mouth and held it shut. He spun me in circles and laughed in my face because I couldn’t do anything about it. Then all of a sudden it felt like I shot back to my body and I woke up feeling sick to my stomach, shaking, dizzy and sweating. I was so shaken up I decided to get drunk. Then I felt fine. I would sober up and have a fine night the next night. The next day I thought I saw something in my sons room when I was rocking him to sleep but I thought, “nah you’re just seeing things. It’s dark and your crazy” so I went to bed. I was fine for a couple days and then one night when I was rocking my son to sleep a shadow figure appeared in front of me for what seemed like an eternity. I froze in fear and just stared at it. If you have ever been around a demon tormenting you, you will know the fear I speak of. It is crippling. Nothing like I have experienced before. My chest was so tight I couldn’t breathe. I was in physical pain. Then it dissipated into me, just like a movie. I never believed in ghosts. I didn’t believe in spirits. I didn’t believe in demons. But now I do. Demons are real. Spirits and ghosts are demons. I may have missed some details but I just wanted you to understand how in depth this got for me.

I researched how to get rid of it. I contacted witches. I tried sage. I tried performing a “house exorcism”. Nothing worked. I was at a loss. I didn’t know what to do anymore. I was going to get a reiki healing and I told one of my friends. She told me it was evil and to stay away. I thought she was crazy. When I told her it was to help me, she sent me a testimony of a girl. “New age to Jesus” is what it was called. I couldn’t believe my ears when I watched it. Everything she had experienced…. It happened to me too. Was it true that the only way out was through Jesus? I endured this demon torment for probably a week longer until I was desperate. My body was so weak and tired. The fear and no sleep had taken over me. Not even my poor husband could help. I had him stay home from work because I was afraid of harming my own children!! Do you hear me??! The babies I rant and rave about every day. The babies I would lay my life down for. The babies that saved my life and mean absolutely everything to me. This demon was in my head telling me the most nasty things and it took every ounce of my being to not let it convince me to off myself or go to an insane asylum. It was serious!!

But thank you Jesus for my beautiful friend who sent me that testimony. I got down on my knees and humbled myself before the Lord. I asked for forgiveness. I pleaded the blood of Jesus over my house, my family and myself. I didn’t even know what that meant back then but I did it! I gave myself to the creator of everything. In that moment I could breathe again. I got a tiny taste of true freedom. I felt peace and joy in my heart. The fear was gone. The guilt, the condemnation. The thoughts of suicide. The hate. The ugliness. In a second it was all gone. Cleansed by the blood of the Lamb.

It’s hasn’t even been a year and a half since I gave my life back to Christ and I can’t tell you how good it has been. My depression is gone. My anxiety is gone. My taste in music and terrible language was first to go. That was something that I didn’t have to try to get rid of. One thing that took time for me to notice was that I started submitting y husband automatically. I am not independent anymore. We are a team. We work together. Its no longer my way or the highway. It’s compromise, love and understanding. That verse I read when I was in the occult I realized was a warning from the Lord. It was a verse that explained God can warn us in dreams and speak to us in dreams. Which was happening but at the time I was blind. I didn’t have spiritual eyes to see. I am so thankful that I am now experiencing TRUE FREEDOM. I still make mistakes. The Lord is doing a work in me every day. Especially these last few weeks. I’m not perfect but the Lord is teaching me to love. Truly love as God wants us to. He is teaching me patience and kindness. He’s teaching me how to be beautiful on the inside, just like Jesus. God is my best friend. No one can take that from me but in light of all the ugliness in the world I just had to share how God turned my ugly into beautiful!!!

Stay safe and a have a beautiful night my friends. I love you and Jesus loves you. ❤️

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